In honor of my birthday today, I decided to write a letter to my younger self. I thought it would be interesting, addressing my younger self by ministering clarity on life to her. If only she could see what the plans of God’s were for her life, maybe she would run towards Him and not away. What I hope to accomplish through this post, is for my readers to know even if you don’t know where you are heading in life. As long as you trust God and let Him do the leading, you will not be disappointed or have any regrets in life. So here goes!
If you could only see the woman, we have grown into today. A fearless, Daughter of the Most High God, Holy Ghost filled, water baptized, sanctified, to sum it up we are a container of fire. Remember being uprooted from our place of comfort at nine to move to an unfamiliar place. We only ended up living there, St. Croix (US Virgin Island) for two years and relocated to Brooklyn, New York. Yes, I know the kids were mean. They made fun of our accent. But by the time we finished Middle School, we learned to speak “proper.” As they would say, we never got rid of it, but we adjusted to our surroundings.
We got through High School without getting pregnant. We weren’t boy crazy, but we were looking for love in all the wrong places. Some people always said to mom; we would get pregnant at an early age. They didn’t want anything good for us. But I believe they saw our potential and tried to taint our character. The enemy was using them then, to sow bad seeds in our destiny. We are so smart because we figure that out early. We figured out the best way to get these naysayers back was to succeed. So we worked hard and became everything they did not want us to be. We got into college, and we never got pregnant. It’s a shame some of these people were our family. They became our motivators. We thank God for using them, though!
Girl, I hate to break it to YOU, but we did not become a lawyer. We changed our mind as soon as we got to college. We majored in Political Science the first two years, then switched majors. In fact, it turned out we loved writing more than we thought. All those days we spent writing poems and journaling we ended up graduating with a B.A in Journalism. I don’t know how we did it, but we did. We weren’t supposed to graduate on time, but we graduated in four years. We took 18 credits per semesters, took classes in winter sessions, and we made it happen. We were always determined. We always said we were ‘destined for greatness.’ All those sticky notes we’d leave around the house as a reminder to us of who we are paid off. It seems that we figured out how powerful words were at an early age. We didn’t know God. But He was always with us. Please, please stay away from Hennessy and marijuana. We ended up trying marijuana for the first time when we went to visit our cousin Z’s college for a weekend. We would later be reintroduced to smoking pot in our junior year of college. We then gave up Hennessy for wine (Moscato) in 2009. Our fascination with certain musicians like Rihanna, Drake, Chris Brown, Adele, Pink, Amy Winehouse, etc. Chile, it’s a phase. We don’t even listen to these artists anymore.
We got saved at 22. Can you imagine ‘us’ of all people living for Jesus? LOL, stop cursing so much, I swear I thought we were sailors the way we would mouth off at people. After experiencing nervous breakdown after breakdown. That ultimately turned into depression and thoughts of suicide. In the Summer of 2010 (July), we would experience the power of God like never before. We will learn the value of our life. We met a Man like no other. YOU know the love we were searching for our whole life from a man. Well, we would meet this Man and fall in love with Him, His name is Jesus Christ. He gave His life for ours. So He could not allow YOU to take ours. It would have been a slap in the face for Him. We will learn that because He lives, we can face tomorrow. So YOU don’t have to try to kill US because life got tough. Because life did not play out the way, we expected it. Baby girl, I know we did not prepare for this part of life. But mom did do the best she could. She made sure all her girls got an education. A privilege that she did not have. She thought she was doing the right thing by bringing us here for a better life. But one thing I did wish she would have done was to share how she overcame her obstacles. She heard about God, but she didn’t know Jesus. She didn’t experience Him. Even though she always told us to say our prayers, she didn’t know Jesus was the way. I’d like to think she had some faith to raise five girls on her own.
On April 24, 2014, we would lose our mother. So spend as much time with her as YOU can. Pay more attention to when she is cooking and baking because sometimes we’ll miss it. I would say don’t go away to college and stay close to home. But then I would be tampering with our destiny, and that’s not MY call. We have to go because there, we would learn about independence. We would meet some shady people that would eventually try to kill us spiritually. But remember that Bible mom’s friend gave us for our 10th birthday. Without even being saved we would pray Psalms 6 and 23 religiously. It always stayed open on our desk in our dorm room. We were going through a spiritual warfare, and we didn’t even know. But God kept us. I believe because of them; we came to know Christ. It was our enemies who led us to the cross (Jesus). Without them, we would not have known we needed a Savior. We wanted to be an entertainment writer. We were planning to be a staff writer for Seventeen magazine.
Remember how fearful we were of anything relating to business. Well at 23 we started working for JPMorgan Chase. We would lose (be laid off) from two jobs in the space of threes years. But it is all part of God’s plan. All things are working together for our good. We have to go through this. Don’t question Him. God would also restore our relationship with our dad. God has a better plan for us, just hang in there. Sometime after that, we surpassed our mother’s financial income, so we broke that cycle. Today, we have been working in the financial industry for five years. We unofficially have a Masters of Science in Global Business and Finance Management. We finished a semester early with a 3.75 GPA while working full time. We are going to graduate in June (Class of 2017). Girl, I want YOU to know God is good. On February 2nd, 2017, we will return home (Grenada) to spend our 29th birthday. The final chapter of our 20’s. It’s crazy because we have not spent a birthday here in over 20 years. For some reason, the Lord led us back here. Where it all started. I don’t know why, But we’ll see. I’ve learned not to question His leading and do what He says. No, we did not get married at 26 and start a family by 27. It’s not that it wasn’t possible. But we have yet to meet the right one. YOU had some serious issues Jesus needed to address before we can be somebody’s wife. We could not go into a marriage with all that baggage we had. That would have been a disaster waiting to happen.
So when WE made the vow, YOU were Christ-less and did not understand how sacred marriage is. Therefore, God has preserved US for the one He has ordained to be OUR husband. He will show us our worth. I want us to calm down. Live life, don’t wait for our dreams to come through before we begin to live or to be happy. Leave rebelliousness and stubbornness alone. It will make it harder for us to subject to God. Love hard. Allow yourself to be loved. Stop hiding behind that wall; we drove a good guy away because our heart was cold as ice. He loved us, but I don’t think we were ready to be loved. We will need to go through a pruning season. Jesus will strip us of all our material possessions. Everything we put our trust in, family, 401k, job, and friends. We will find ourselves in the wilderness for five years. Sweetheart, don’t be afraid. During this time trust God, the presence of the Lord will be with us like never before. He will wrap us in the palm of His hands and uphold us with His righteous hand. We will learn to trust Him. Our faith will be tested, but after it has been tested. My God, girl, we will see a transformation and experience tremendous growth. We will begin to see the plan He had all along. It will make more sense as to why we had to go through the wilderness to get to where we are today.
So cheers to us! Happy Birthday beautiful. YOU are stronger than YOU realize. YOU are full of faith. Our faith is on steroids. That’s the best way to explain it. We will learn to embrace our natural coils. Today we are living for Jesus, and we are doing it unapologetically. It’s so crazy that YOU of all people became a Christian. We shocked a lot of people. To this day when those who knew YOU back then, sees us, they can’t believe it. We are an ambassador of Christ. Our life represents a God that is REAL. One that can change someone as messed up like us. He took our mess and turned it into a message. We go around boldly sharing this great God with others. I can’t believe the woman we have become. As we enter into a new season, I look forward to what He has in store for us. I know it’s going to be EPIC. He has shown me some amazing things for this upcoming year. As I’m rounding up, I can’t help but think had YOU succeed in YOUR plans to end our life seven years ago; there would be no REMEMBERENCE of us today. But I thank God for JESUS! Glory be to God in the highest for His Son. His plans were greater than Satan’s plan our lives. Since you are my past and I am your present. I want you to know that I plan to spend the rest of our lives thanking Him for saving us seven years ago. He realigned our destiny that day. I don’t know what our future self will have to say to us ten years from now. But I’m 100 percent sure she’ll be who God has called us to be a mighty WOMAN of God! Did YOU know we are a prayer warrior and God is taking us into higher depths? It turns out all that fighting we did in the natural, God is able to use us to fight in the spiritual now. We no longer fight with our hands anymore. We use the blood of Jesus to do all our fighting. My dear, we’re in a great place in life right now. I know back then things were bad. But God has given to us beauty for ashes.
Rest Easy love!
I hope this letter shared insight into your life. I wrote it to show others; we are a product of God’s handy work. You may be going through things, but you don’t know how they are going to unfold for your good. You might be in a season that you hate right now. Everything is going wrong. But God is there. Nothing we go through in life is a surprise to God. He is the one writing our story. This letter confirms that I (we) have NO control of the way things play out in our lives. Life happens, but we must do the best that we can to overcome the challenges we face in life. Those challenges are not meant to kill us or destroy us. They are meant for our rising. They are to uplift us, and we are to learn from them. Life is our best teacher, and I have learned so much from it. 29 years on this earth and even though I did not feel prepared for this part of life. This journey has not been easy, but I’m thankful to be doing life with Jesus. He is the captain of this ship. So it makes it worth living. It has made me into a better person. So cheers to living for Jesus, 29 years down and eternal to go.
If you had the opportunity to say “one thing” to your younger self, what would it be? Drop a line below; I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Did you enjoy this post? Share it with someone. You never know what a person might be going through. An act as simple as sharing a post can be a blessing in their lives.
Until next time God Bless you richly for reading 🙂